Forgiveness

I want to talk today about a very sensitive subject: forgiveness. Most of us would rather not hear about forgiving. Forgiving is one of the most difficult things to do in our lives.

I learned a long time ago (I am not sure where, but it is not something I can claim as my own) that forgiveness has three parts. It begins with a decision, becomes a process, and finally a state of being. Let me explain.

Someone has wronged you. You know it is not your fault, and they should be the ones coming to you. But remember what Jesus said? He said if someone has wronged you, leave your sacrifice at the altar, go to them and be reconciled (Matt 5:24). YOU go to THEM. Already some of you have turned me off and are about to exit. Don’t do it! Let me continue. Forgiving those who have wronged us is one of the most challenging things to do for too many reasons to list here. Maybe some other time. The truth is, forgiving begins with a decision. We must decide to forgive. That is huge! There was someone I needed to forgive for more than days or weeks or months. It was years. I pushed it down inside and worked at ignoring the need to forgive. Finally one day I was confronted by my need to forgive this person. I decided to forgive. That was an enormous and somewhat liberating act. I made the decision to forgive and a weight lifted from me.

It did not stop there, however. It became a process. I always thought that when Jesus talked about forgiving 70 times 7, He meant 490 different things (Matt 18). What I did not realize is that He was talking about 1 thing. One! He knew that when we decide to forgive and begin to forgive, it is a process and needs us to actually forgive over and over. When I had decided to forgive, I actually forgave. Some days were fine. I had forgiven and was over it. But the offense would resurrect and I would need to forgive all over again. This process went on for a long, long time. It was at least 490 times that I had to forgive the same offense. How did I know when the process was done? I was completely over it and did not need to go back to forgiving.

I had arrived at the end. I was in the state of forgiveness. I had completely forgiven and knew I had because being around the person did not bother me.

Now let me say something here about forgiveness and reconciliation or restoration. Forgiveness is a one way street. It is only about you. You can forgive even if the person is no longer here. You can forgive a person who died many years ago. Forgiveness is only about one person: you and me.

Forgiving does not necessarily mean being restored or reconciled. Sometimes that is not possible. The person cannot be trusted, they have not repented of the offense, or have even passed away. Just because you cannot be restored to a relationship with someone does not mean you cannot forgive them. You need to forgive for the cleansing that will happen inside.

Decide to forgive. Enter the long process of forgiving. Find relief in that state of being that is complete forgiveness.