Thoughts about love

Love is a word that is not only misunderstood, it is misrepresented and abused. People talk about loving someone when the two people scarcely know each other. This is particularly true of church-goers. You go to church and someone you have never met, says, “I love you brother”. I had someone I was doing business with say this to me recently. I did not know him and had only met him very recently, yet he felt the need to say that as a fellow Christian, he loved me. People dating do the same thing these days. Be careful about expressing love to a person you hardly know well enough to love. We should be careful about saying we love someone until it is true that we really do love them.

The other extreme is what I really want to talk about, however. Sometimes people we are supposed to love are not that easy to love. It might be an aunt or uncle, mother-in-law or nephew. It may also be someone that is supposed to be in the inner circle of people you are supposed to love. A brother, sister, son, daughter and perhaps yes, even a spouse. Oftentimes people are just not that easy to love.

So what is the solution when they are people you are supposed to love? What if they are people you have to love with no choice?

Several years ago I made a decision with regard to this aspect of love relationships. I pass it on to you today. I admit that it will not be easy, but if you will determine in your heart to live according to what I am going to say to you, it will make a difference for the good in your relationships.

It is this: Love people for who they are, not for who they are not.

Let me explain. Some people will never be the person you want them to be. They will never have the attributes that you believe they should have. Despite your imposing your ideas, the person may never change to become what you believe they ought to be. What do you do? Well, you can write them off, as many are prone to do, and give up any relationship. How many of us are estranged from people who are supposed to be our loved ones?

If we would determine and learn to love these people not for who they are not (which is difficult if not impossible), but for who they ARE. This means accepting people as they are despite the flaws you see in them or believe they have. It means accepting the ways they are as their good, their lovable attributes if you would. It means giving folks the benefit of the doubt, your doubt.

If we would live like this, people we have characterized as unlovely or unlovable will become people we can love. It does not mean turning a blind eye to what they are. It does not mean accepting things you cannot agree about. It just means recognizing that you are determined to love them for who they are, and not for who they are not.

Try it. It will not be easy, but you can do it. And once you do, it will build bridges you never thought were possible and allow you into relationships that you never thought could exist.